Not long ago I came to a deep understanding that I can't be free while at the same time avoiding my fears. It's not that I saw this as a groundbreaking insight; I just had an appreciation that this insight is not so easy to live.   Soon after this insight I had the opportunity to attend a 5-day Restorative Circle workshop with NVC Trainer Dominic Barter in which he echoed my insight.  He said that years ago, while living in Brazil, he had came to the understanding that he could not create an inner sense of security by putting distance and walls between himself and that which he feared.  He had been inspired to do something about the extreme poverty in the Shanty Towns of Brazil but had been told time and time again to stay away, those places were too dangerous, some of the most dangerous places in the world. 

One day it dawned on Dominic that he needed to move closer to what he feared in order see through the stories and beliefs about the Shanty Towns.  That day was the beginning of 15 years of co-creating and sharing a Restorative Circle process with the people of the Shanty Towns so that they could be empowered to create a Justice system that better supported peace.  One of the most interesting things Dominic discovered when meeting the people of the Shanty Towns was that each time he offered some brilliant idea of how their lives could be improved-community gardens or a localized economic system-he experienced them pulling away.  However, when he approached simply with an intention to connect, they asked for his support in areas they were interested in, such as learning English, learning how to fix computers, and learning how to resolve conflict.  Please find interviews with Dominic Barter to hear hear more about his remarkable journey and about Restorative Circles at http://www.vimeo.com/6557584.

I left the workshop even more inspired to move closer to my fears.  My first fear to face was to tell someone I love that I am not ready to be in a relationship with her and to take responsibility for how unclear and inconsistent I had been in our relationship.  Once again, I was very grateful for my NVC practice as it supported me to see through blame and judgement so that I could get as close as possible to her feelings and needs and mine.  We heard each other; we shared responsibility for what we'd been through; we grieved together for the loss; we celebrated what we had shared; and we set ourselves free--our own mini Restorative Circle.  (For all of you who are reading this and thinking, "He's just afraid of commitment."  All I can say is, "Yes, I am."  Why?  Because I haven't yet figured out how to commit to myself.  But don't worry, I've signed up for that Cosmic Workshop.  It's free and anyone can enrol.   The workshop mainly involves facing fears, trusting yourself, following dreams, asking for help, and risking it all.  I tried to get into the introductory one, but it was full.)

So now I am facing my next fears: bankruptcy and following my dreams.  I'm not crazy about bankruptcy, but following my dreams is the more frightening of the two because it has much more unknown.  I'm not exactly sure what my dreams are, although they are slowly coming into focus.  And, as my dreams come into focus, I'm not at all sure how to manifest them.  I'm probably going to have to really trust myself (I'm hoping Google can help me with that).  And I have some other blocks around following my dreams or even figuring out what they are.  I'm not sure where these blocks come from, but I'm starting to suspect that the Aliens and/or the CIA who have taken over Facebook have something to do with it.

About six weeks ago, just after turning 39, I set an intention that this year I would really let myself not know, mainly so my soul can really come alive.  I'm going to file that intention under "be careful what you wish for" or maybe under "be grateful what you wish for."  Who knows? 

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