My last blog post, Making It?, didn't feel complete to me when I posted it, but I posted it anyway.  I'm trying to post more regularly, trying to free myself to write more and worry less about getting the writing exactly how I want it. 

There were two people who offered me feedback about what didn't work for them in my last post.  One person wanted to know more about what's going on for me now.  Another person found himself distracted by the amount of self-disclosure in my writing.  Both expressed their feedback with compassionate honesty and understanding.  I took their feedback to heart and read my piece again.

It seems to me now that the way the piece was written was influenced by the very fears of commitment I was writing about, fears from old wounds and demons that lurk around and patiently wait for their moments to seduce me.  Maybe, in writing about my past I got a little entangled in it and lost some of where I am now.  I don't know, but I made some changes and I like it better now.

 I changed, "It seems possible to me that I'll never know for sure, but that probably won't stop me from trying." to, "It seems possible to me that I'll never know for sure, but that isn't stopping me from trying."  And I added this paragraph to the end, "I continue to be very grateful for my NVC practice now in my new partnership with Katherine.  And, even though I struggle with uncertainty in relationship, I feel more hopeful about transforming my commitment issues if I continue to do my inner work." 

As for the amount of self-disclosure I offer, I have heard only appreciation for this in the past.  However, the person who wrote to me about their difficulty with my self-disclosure might be writing on behalf of others who have not been inclined to share-it's easier for most to share appreciation than constructive criticism, especially if there isn't connection already established between the giver and receiver of the feedback.

And, here I am again in this post with more self-disclosure.  This is because I'm longing to show up more and more with my full authenticity, whether that authenticity seems glorious or embarrassing, because life is more meaty or juicy, if sometimes damn scary, in the energy of authenticity.  My blog may or may not be the best vehicle for my fully authenticity.  Perhaps it would be better marketing to write about other things (marketing?).  I'm aware that self-disclosure can be interpreted as overly self-absorbed, meaning that a reader might want a wider perspective or greater inclusion and variety of experiences.  Those things are important to me too. 

I feel very lost sometimes and writing this blog helps me see myself more clearly and share myself more fully and honestly with others.  I feel very grateful sometimes and want to share that fully too.  (If you're still reading this and are wondering where the meat or juice is, have faith; I have more protein-packed posts in the works.)

Please know that I welcome your feedback, constructive or otherwise, and will do my best to meet you in compassion and understand the full meaning of your words.  I care about your experience and about how my expression does or doesn't work for you.

Eric

"I would love to live like a river flows, carried by the surprises of its own unfolding." ~ John O'Donahue

PS.  I'm thinking of renaming my blog.  Please vote for the name you like best

1.  Where the Heart Meets the Road

2.  Where the Rubber Meets the Heart

3.  Too Much Self-Disclosure

4.  Who Cares (I love the double entendre in this one, or, at least half of of the entendre.)

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