My Approach to Counselling 

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In order to heal and integrate the deeper wounds we carry from the past, we need to get below the conscious mind and into the deeper regions of the brain. We can’t talk our way into healing our deeper wounds because the emotions and sensations and beliefs related to those wounds are not stored in the parts of the brain that do a conscious analysis of our past.

 

By slowing down specific movements and impulses related to past wounds and mindfully feeling what arises, we can access the implicit emotions, sensations and beliefs stuck in the unconscious mind. By staying connected to resources in our bodies and minds, we can integrate our wounds and stop reacting to the present based on our adaptations to past trauma. This is why I use somatic (body-based) processes for my work with clients. 

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Working through difficult relationship dynamics often takes us to the edge of our capacity to feel. What I’ve found in helping people feel difficult things is that autonomy is crucial to the healing process. When someone is supported to be in full choice about what’s happening, they are more willing to explore their edges because they know they are in charge of their process. When I help clients through difficult issues, I don’t pressure them to do anything that doesn’t feel right for them. Instead, I offer possibilities and support my clients to choose what feels right for them.

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One of my main goals with my sessions is to help clients become more attuned to their bodies and stay present with their emotions, to feel their emotions without being overwhelmed by them. We simply cannot have successful relationships – relationships that deepen into greater intimacy and freedom – without improving our capacity to attune to our bodies and feel our emotions. I’m not referring only to emotions such as anger, grief, and fear; I’m also referring to emotions such as joy, excitement, and gratitude. We have a limit for feeling enjoyable emotions just as we do for difficult emotions. 

 

The field of interpersonal neurobiology (IPNB) has shown us that our current capacity to feel any emotion is directly related to our primary caregiver's ability to help us feel our emotions during childhood. Neuroscience also shows us that with mindfulness, practice, and support, we can improve our capacity to feel all our emotions.

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I help clients in several other ways as well:

• improving communication skills;

• learning structures for working through conflict;

• understanding relationship challenges through the lenses of attachment theory, interpersonal neurobiology, and Nonviolent Communication;

• implementing practices and strategies for improving relationships.

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All relationship tools and skills are more effective when underpinned by an increased capacity to feel and attune to the body.